


"Touch me so I know you're there"

by sychononny



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Cuddling, Disability, Holding Hands, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Kissing, M/M, Schmoop, possible triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-05 17:22:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1826185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sychononny/pseuds/sychononny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the <a href="http://spnkink-meme.livejournal.com/86225.html?thread=32928721#t32928721">prompt</a>: <i>'If Jensen holds his hand out long enough, Jared will always, always, be there to take it.'</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	"Touch me so I know you're there"

**Author's Note:**

> **Full List of Kinks:** h/c, hand holding, cuddling, blowjob, handjob, shower sex (mostly implied), top!Jensen/bottom!Jared (mostly implied), kissing, long-term relationship/coupleness/domesticity, schmoop, injury, traumatic event (see spoiler note for details if you have potential triggers), angst, disability (see spoiler note for details)  
>  **Kinks/Warnings which are spoilery** : Click [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1826185#work_endnotes) to see a detailing of all the potential triggers contained in this fic. If the possibility of explosions, injuries or disabilities are close to any triggers for you, you may want to read the information there before deciding whether or not you'll feel comfortable reading this fic. Contains spoilers.
> 
> Author's Note: There's some medical and Other Stuff in here that is probably not 100% realistic because I totally made shit up on this one. Hopefully it's still close enough to be believable unless you are an expert on the subject. But if you happen to know better, then lets just pretend it's from a universe where it actually works like that.

**********************************

"Hi, my name's Jensen," It's stupid, and Jensen feels like he's holding out his hand a beat too long before his eyes are met by gold-flecked hazel or his hand encased in someone's big strong grip.

"Hey," And if his smile makes Jensen feel a bit unsteady, it's probably due to the alcohol. Or the fact he hasn't gotten laid in just over a month. It's certainly not because he just fell in love. Jensen's new favorite person searches his face for a moment before his grin gets impossibly wider. And there's fricken' _dimples._ And there really is no excuse for how badly Jensen wants to lick one of them. 

"Hey," The Man With Gorgeous Dimples leans forward so Jensen can be sure to hear him over the music, "I'm Jared. You want to go someplace we can talk?" 

************** 

It's five minutes later and _Jared's_ leaning up against the club's alley-side wall while Jensen opens his pants up with so much naked want that it almost borders on religion. 

Jensen doesn't even realise he's reaching up with his hand until warm fingers interlace with his, and then Jared is cumming with a shout while Jensen holds himself all the way down to the root. He can feel it twitch in his throat, but he holds himself there until his head swims. Until Jared looks down at him, eyes too dark to see but Jensen imagines their still blown wide from lust. 

But when Jared pulls him up to press a kiss, open-mouthed, to his palm, some part of Jensen knows this is more than just a hookup. That kiss is greedy but intimate. And the next kiss, pressed against his lips, is tender and rough - teeth nipping but tongue worshiping. He doesn't even notice when Jared gets his pants open, but with those strong hands it doesn't take much for Jensen to cum all over them both. 

"Your place or mine?" It's not a question.

Jensen just drags him towards a cab. 

***************

"Oh! Sorry....I didn't-- I can wait..."

After three orgasms and a few hours of sleep, Jared actually looks shy standing in Jensen's bathroom the next morning. Jensen's naked and halfway sudsed; Jared looking well-fucked standing in the doorway, cum still drying between his thighs.

Jensen isn't very verbal before coffee, but he manages a, "Get in here" anyways. When Jared doesn't move, Jensen holds out his hand, waiting for his three inch taller sexual partner to take it before gently tugging him towards him. That's all it takes before Jared's sliding in behind him, pressing him to lean against the tiles as he washes Jensen's back. 

They don't leave until the water's running ice cold.

**************

They're on the couch. Jared somehow folding impossibly large legs under him so that he fits all curled up in one corner. Jensen is spread out over the rest of it, his head resting on Jared's thigh. The tv's on low, and Jared's got some book resting on the arm of the couch that has held his attention for the last hour. 

Jensen doesn't take his eyes off the tv, but his hand works its way up and over, held out and waiting. It takes until the next commercial break, but then Jared's hand is there, squeezing his with a reassurance that never fails to warm Jensen's heart. 

He can hear Jared give a low murmur of contentment, and he goes to sleep listening to the sound of Jared breathe, flipping the occasional page, and the strong hand intertwined in his.

*************

It's not like in the movies. There's no warning. No one shouts that there's a bomb. There's no orange flames.

There's noise. There's a light so bright that it burns. And there's a force that knocks you back like a freight train, slamming Jensen back against a hard surface somewhere behind him. Then it's all black. 

When he can move again, he's disoriented. He can't see because everything is obscured by unexplained pitch blackness. He can't hear because everything is ringing and muffled like his head's underwater. For a moment he's not sure which way's even up, and he struggles to turn himself around on a floor coated with broken glass. 

His eyes hurt. And he can't even hear his own voice as he screams for Jared. Jared who'd just leaned close to say something when it happened. He'd been smiling. He'd been right next to him. 

But Jensen's hands can't find him, and he screams until his throat is raw. 

After awhile, he can feel strange hands and the cold impersonal touch of latex. He feels the slight pinch of a needle before everything kind of slides away. He's still reaching for Jared when everything finally disappears and floats away. 

**********

The first thing he notices when he wakes up is that he can hear. Well sort of. There's the sound of electronic beeping nearby, and there's voices speaking somewhere. Unfamiliar and too indistinct over the softer ringing sound still in his ears. 

The smell tells him it's a hospital but when he opens his eyes it's still dark. It feels like there's something on his face, like a mask. 

It takes too many minutes to figure out, because his hands are wrapped in gauze except for one thumb. But he finally maps out the bandages wrapped around his head, taped on one shoulder, wrapped around both hands, another one partway up his left side... He can't really reach any farther without sitting up. But since he can still move his toes, that's all he needs to know for now. 

He can't find the call button and he nearly pulls out the IV trying. It's with gratitude that he finally hears footsteps enter the room.

"Please," his voice won't go any louder than a whisper and it feels like he's been gargling gravel. But after he repeats it for the third time, he feels soft hands on his face and a man's voice gently asking him if he can hear him.

"Jared... Where's Jared?" Jensen's desperate. He needs to see those hazel eyes. He needs to know Jared is still alive and it feels like it will kill him if he isn’t. 

But the man won't answer him until Jensen croaks a 'yes' to if he can hear him, 'yes' he remembers the explosion, and 'yes' he's in pain. He doesn't get his answer about Jared before the man does something and the blackness gets thicker and sucks him right down to where the noise goes quiet and the nightmares are.

He wakes up in short spells. Sometimes they make him eat something. Sometimes they're prepping him for more surgeries. He always asks for Jared, and he always gets sent back to a medically induced sleep before he gets his answer. 

That drugged sleep is the worst. Sometimes he dreams they're at his parent's hunting cabin, making love by the fire. Sometimes he's caught in that damn airport, kneeling by a bleeding and unconscious Jared, trying to get him to respond while everyone keeps walking by and ignoring them. 

He's lost track how many times it's been before he wakes up and this time his hand isn't empty. 

"Jared?" It no longer hurts to talk but Jensen still whispers - afraid to find it's just a dream. There's a slight pressure against the back of his hand. Then again on his wrist. When it finally makes its way past the bandages, he recognises it as lips and the rough burn of a beard. 

A cracking familiar deep voice, "Jensen..." 

The bandages are a little less extensive now, and he can feel with his fingertips as he traces the familiar-strange contours of Jared's face. Seeing with his fingers the week's worth of stubble, the vivid-wet tear tracks, the slight trembling under his fingers even as the muscles stretch trying to smile. Feeling the bandages on Jared's neck and the hiss of pain as he shifts. Trying to get closer and let Jensen touch him all over like he wants to. 

"They say--" Jared's voice catches in his throat like he's trying to be brave, to stay calm when instead he's on the verge of panicking. "They say your sight might not come back. They say they've done all they could with surgery, but it might not be enough. They say..."

Jensen starts to shake his head, but the motion hurts too much. Jared's falls silent at the gesture though, holding Jensen's hand between both of his. 

After waking up so many times without any sight, Jensen's become used to it. He doesn't need to think about that right now. He needs to know if Jared's ok, "Tell me what I can't see, Jared. Tell me where you're hurt. I couldn't find you. I couldn't..." 

All the nightmares born of not knowing. From waking up unable to see or hear while he screamed for Jared. Of feeling blood coat his hands as he searched for Jared along a floor covered in broken glass, unable to find him anywhere. The memories are vivid and too recent, and they threaten to swallow Jensen whole for what feels like the millionth time. He grips Jared's hand, heedless of the pain in his own hands, feeling it anchor him to a present he can't even see. He just has to trust that it's real. 

"I thought..." But Jensen doesn't actually want to put that thought into words, doesn't want to make it anymore real than a nightmare. Still, he needs Jared to know he was worried about him. That he tried to look for him. That he never would have stopped trying to look for him. Never.

"Me too, Jen," the shaky laugh tells him there's a smile there, and dimples he can't see with his eyes. "Oh god, Jen. Me too." Those lips kiss the bare tip of each finger. Letting him know that he's there. "But we're ok. I'm ok. We'll be ok."

"We'll be ok," Jensen agrees. 

***************

Jensen wishes he could say there were no more nightmares after that. That with the surgeries, he was able to gain more than a dimly shadowed level of vision. That he doesn't wake up in the middle of the night sometimes, blind as a bat in the dark, visions of Jared soaked in blood and dying on the ground in an airport. 

He wishes he could say that, but he can't. 

What he can say is that, through it all, Jared's hand always finds his when he needs it most. 

Jared still reads his books in the evening, even if sometimes he reads them aloud to share them with Jensen now. And if Jensen can't quite make out the gold in Jared's eyes anymore, he trusts it's still there. He doesn't worry that he can't see Jared's dimples at a distance, because it gives him every excuse to taste them with his mouth instead. Jared's smile still makes his heart skip a beat: bright enough to see even with his dimmed eyes. He still fucks Jared into the mattress. He still soothes Jared when he gets so worried that he starts panicking. They're still _them._

And, no matter what happens: when Jensen stretches his hand out, Jared will always find a way to take it.

.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic contains references to: an airport bombing, non-life-threatening but extensive injuries that they **do** recover from. And  vision loss for one character (full at first, and then partial). One character's status of being alive or dead is left unknown for a short while, but _they do in fact survive with minimal injuries_. Still,  themes of: character death, loss and grief are touched on briefly and minimally. There is also references to trauma-based nightmares about what happened, but not in exhaustive detail.
> 
> The focus is on recovery and the characters' subjective experience, so the details about the bombing and injuries are minimal. Still, if any of that is potentially a trigger for you, please use your own discretion about whether or not to read this. At heart, this is a fluffy short fic with some angst in the middle and then a semi-sweet but mostly happy ending. But I'm aware it could be triggering for some folks and don't want anyone caught by surprise. The ending is (almost completely) happy, if that makes a difference.


End file.
